Bleach: Sora ni Omamori  Kotestsu Boku wa Onigiri
by 14thSquadCaptain
Summary: <html><head></head>The adventures of a shinigami far removed from the events of the main characters. AU, OC, some strong language, some violence, implied nudity/ecchi content, no explicit scenes.</html>
1. 1 A Shinigami is I

**Disclaimer: Bleach is written by Tite Kubo and published by Shueisha. I do not own Bleach or any of the characters, settings, plots, or any related merchandise, advertisements, etc. This is a not-for-profit fan-written fiction story. Please support the official Bleach manga and its related products.**

**All other elements not derivative of the official product are original ideas, meaning original characters. I do not waste time reading other people's fanfics.**

Chapter 1

My name is Onigiri Kamishirou. I am a high school student at the school in Kawakura Town. In my class are those delinquents Ichigo Kurosaki, Uryuu Ishida, Chad something, and Orihime Inoue. They always go to the bathroom and never come back. They must have bad diarrhea or constipation because they are in the bathroom a lot.

I have a secret: I can see ghosts. This happened after my parents died of cancer. My mom had tooth cancer and my dad had hair cancer. I was sad because then I was alone and had to be stronger of the hollows would try to eat me.

One day my life changed forever because a hollow attacked me and my family at night. After dinner I went to my room to listen to music on my MP3 player by the Vocaloids, which were a J-Pop group. Then suddenly a strange girl in a black clothing jumped into my room and tried to hump me. I threw her off because I wasn't feeling horny and I already finished watching hentai anime on my laptop. The girl probably didn't know I could see her because she got confused and said, "You can see me?"

I said, "Yes, you crazy nympho bitch!"

Then she cried and I patted her head and asked, "I'm sorry. You can do what you want."

She looked happy and smiled. Then a hollow attacked my living room and she got serious. Out of nowhere she took out a katana and started slashing the hollow that looked like a beetle with a big hole on its head. Then the hollow beat her up and I was laughing because it was funny. But then the hollow crushed my plasma TV and I was mad because I paid a lot of money for that TV and I never even used it yet. So I tried to attack the hollow but it beat me up too.

"Please help me save my family!" I screamed.

"I will help you," replied the girl, "but I need to explain things to you first."

"Okay," I said.

Then she took out an e-tablet and turned it on. "Oh no!" She blushed when it showed that she was secretly taking pictures of me in the shower. "I'm sorry!" She yelled.

"It's okay." I said. "Just explain this to me."

She turned on an app called 'Hollow Tracker' and it explained to me everything. Then the hollow attacked again but I dodged and caught the girl when she was pushed into the air.

"Help me save my family!" I reiterated.

"Yes." She replied. She held out her katana to my chest and said, "I will give you some of my shinigami powers so you can be powerful too. My name is Miko Ginyuki. Will you take responsibility?"

I didn't have any doubts. Without hesitation I said, "My name is Onigiri Kamishirou. I will accept." And then I tried to pull her katana into my chest, but she was resisting.

"What are you doing you baka?" She said. "You're not supposed to kill yourself after accepting my heart!"

I was confused so I asked, "What should I do then?"

Then she pulled my face close to hers and said, "Kiss me!"

So I did, and I felt more powerful. Then her sword became smaller and I got a huge sword that was five times my height. I had cool black clothes too, but only a black shirt. I still had on white shorts and beach sandals. But I jumped at the hollow and beat it in one slash because I was a bleach. Then I pose and looked cool and Miko was impressed so I gave her a thumbs sign.

And then I became a shinigami. That would be the start of my legend…

To be continued…


	2. 2 Forward into Soul Society

**Disclaimer: Bleach is written by Tite Kubo and published by Shueisha. I do not own Bleach or any of the characters, settings, plots, or any related merchandise, advertisements, etc. This is a not-for-profit fan-written fiction story. Please support the official Bleach manga and its related products.**

**All other elements not derivative of the official product are original ideas, meaning original characters. I do not waste time reading other people's fanfics.**

Chapter 2

Miko transferred to my school today and forced me to pretend to be her boyfriend. Then her cellphone received a text and we had to fight a hollow.

Today's hollow was called Eight Legs Climber. It had eight legs and crawled on them and I had to fight it because Miko wanted to listen to the class. So I transformed into a shinigami by grabbing the magic bra Miko was wearing.

So I chased the hollow with my big sword but it got away and I went back to class. But then I found out that my body was still stuck holding Miko's bra and she took it off but not her shirt so everyone though I was a pervert. Then I got mad and ran outside. When I went outside I suddenly heard a scream and ran to help. Then I saw a random girl screaming because a hollow was trying to eat her lunch.

"I'll save you!" I bellowed, wielding my big zanpakto.

I beat the hollow but he was small fry because then the Eight Legs Climber came back and attacked. Then I chopped off three legs and the hollow moaned in pain, so I used my zanpakto to give it a rest. The hollow went to the underworld because he was an evil investment banker in life. Then the random girl hugged me and ran away and jumped into a fancy car. I never saw her again.

After beating the hollow I went back to school and gave Miko the finger because I didn't like her giving me her bra. Then I took the test with 5 minutes left and got a full score. It was on advanced Japanese literature and I was good at it. I was also good at every other subject and was heir of a multinational business. But actually I was a bleach shinigami.

"Why do I have to fight hollows?" I complained. "Ichigo is a shinigami too, why can't he do it?"

Miko glared at me boringly and said, "We can't lose to them! Besides, Ichigo is fighting the new enemy in Soul Society because the arrancar were all beaten and the fullbright users are done with their arc so now we're bored. That means you have to take care of the human world!" She laughed after that and gave me a box of candy. "Eat this," she said.

I was hungry, so I swallowed all of the small blue balls and felt weird. Suddenly, my sword glowed and exploded into a cool revolver pistol that was made of shiny white metal. It was a big magnum revolver and the cylinder glowed with red spiritual energy. "What the hell is this, Miko?"

Miko gasped in shock. "I had no idea your spiritual pressure was so high. You even managed to get shikai after eating some blue balls!" Then she texted on her cellphone and ignored me.

I got curious so I aimed at a tree and pulled the trigger. The tree froze into a red crystal, then sparked with red lightning, and shattered, and the broken pieces burst into red flame, and a blinding red flash appeared and then a black holed sucked the red stuff in and then there was no more tree.

"You stupid baka!" Screamed Miko as she slapped the back of my head. "Don't be so careless! Now we have to go to Soul Society to register your zanpakto!"

"Why?" I asked.

"Because you have shikai! But you don't even know its name yet so we need to do that and then you need to register or you will be in trouble!"

"My zanpakto has a name? Can't I just call it Yamato Nadeishiko?"

"No!" Said Miko. "You're coming to Soul Society with me!"

And then a gate suddenly opened and some black butterflies came out. She walked in and I followed.

That was the day I first set foot into Soul Society, a place in which I would one day become a legend. This was the first step…

To be continued…


	3. 3 Truth of Onigiri's Past

**Disclaimer: Bleach is written by Tite Kubo and published by Shueisha. I do not own Bleach or any of the characters, settings, plots, or any related merchandise, advertisements, etc. This is a not-for-profit fan-written fiction story. Please support the official Bleach manga and its related products.**

**All other elements not derivative of the official product are original ideas, meaning original characters. I do not waste time reading other people's fanfics.**

Chapter 3

After a brief, long flash of light I arrived in Soul Society. The air was clean so I took a deep breath. Miko did the same but she started choking.

"Oh…*cough*…I should stop smoking." She said.

Serves her right. Smoking is bad for your health. It can lead to lung cancer and other cancers. Cancer killed my parents so I hate cancer.

"You should quit or you'll get cancer." I said to Miko.

Miko looked at me sternly. "Onigiri-kun, I have to tell you something important. It has to do with your parents' deaths."

"No!" I shrieked. "My parents were not killed by hollows!"

Angrily, I walked to a corner and drew circles on the wall.

Miko sighed and said, "Then let me tell you the truth."

*Flashback*

It was a bright summer day, a warm, but still comfortable, day among many others in Japan. The cicadas cried their songs to the cloudless blue skies, the joyful yells of playing children melded flawlessly with the crickets' melodies into a wondrous chorus of life. This was the essence of the mortal world, an ephemeral miracle, yet beautiful in its short-lived brilliance. After all, the poets say that one cannot value life unless it can be lost.

Such was the case in Kawakura Town on that day which started like any other but which ended, etched forever into the collective memories of the transient inhabitants of the town.

"Cogito, ergo sum. Wherefore art thou…Descartes? The noble savage may yet be civilized. We the People…the King rather. They are restless, and there is no cake for them to cool their greed in this fountain of youth. From Atlantic to Pacific, this land crosses all. Weep, Pizarro, cry, de Vaca. Your treasures have long since slipped your grasp in this all-knowing throne of immortality. The thinkers have retreated, taking their spawn, the unholy stone, away, locking the secrets for eternity.

"Throw away your prejudices, believer of injustice. Your allies do not yet reside in the hearts of Aristotle's students. No conquest can be so great as to make the world bow in devastation before the one true ideal. Four-score and many millennia ago."

Such was the nature of the spiral that binds all mortals, winding up the stairway to transcendence. A single origin spread as ripples across the world absent of light, for none could be created out of nothing. This was the primordial form of that without form, a silent chord in the fugue mourning the sky's demise.

Iron-clad will, seek the rain from which you were exiled. One day, his golden army will do battle with he who is most radiant in light, the rusted hearts will become silver under no man's abhorrent moonlight. Such be the price of knowledge, O tainted sage, wisest among fools!

They will believe what they want

Never seeking; Though never wanting

For her greatest armor be ignorance

And divine is the sanctuary

That only in truth resides.

*End flashback*

"Do you understand now?" Said Miko. "Your parents were killed by hollows, not by cancer."

"I can't believe this!" I screamed, as I pushed away Miko, who had been rubbing her butt against my crotch while telling me the confusing flashback. "But I have decided, Miko. I will become the greatest shinigami in history to avenge my parents' death to cancer and hollows!"

Miko smiled and said, "Onigiri-kun."

To be continued…


	4. 4 First Blood: The Green Maid!

**Disclaimer: Bleach is written by Tite Kubo and published by Shueisha. I do not own Bleach or any of the characters, settings, plots, or any related merchandise, advertisements, etc. This is a not-for-profit fan-written fiction story. Please support the official Bleach manga and its related products.**

**All other elements not derivative of the official product are original ideas, meaning original characters. I do not waste time reading other people's fanfics.**

Chapter 4

I was shocked when Miko's flashback was finally explained when she used her e-tablet to check every obscure reference on the Internet. Then I believed her. My parents were killed by hollows because they gave them cancer and canceled their health insurance. I swear to have my revenge against the hollows!

And then a shinigami girl attacked.

"Clean, Tatamimeido!" Yelled a high-pitched voice. I barely dodged it before a broomstick broke through the ground. Holding the broom was a female shinigami in a maid's outfit looking daggers at me.

"Are you crazy you dumb slut?" I screamed.

"Intruder! Die like a worm!" Retorted the slut.

Then she stepped on her broomstick and rode it like a surfboard. Bright colorful stars popped out of the head as she rode the shaft wildly at my groin.

"Pwn, awesome Mega Gun!" I yelled, expecting something. But nothing happened and the slut rammed me painfully in the groin.

"You baka!" Screamed Miko. "You don't release your zanpakto like that!"

"Then how do I release it?" I groaned while rolling on the groun.

"You have to enter the world of your soul!" She replied.

I was going to ask how, but then the slut stuck her foot on my chest, allowing me to look up her skirt and see that she was not wearing any underwear.

"My name is Midori Mahouko!" She said proudly, her green hair waving in the wind. "A worm like you doesn't deserve to die by my hand. Now crawl away, worm!"

Then she left, and I was left laying on the ground. Miko said something but I couldn't hear her because then I fainted.

*Inside Onigiri's soul*

"Onigiri…listen…my…name…"

I woke up in a strange place. I was floating in space, with asteroids orbiting and stars surrounding me in this celestial ocean. It was a bizarre sight, and yet, strangely, I felt like this place was familiar.

But I was alone. Solitude echoed in this plane of silence. A ripple created by my presence found no resonance in the emptiness. I was alone, and for the first time, I felt an overwhelming sadness. It was a subtle dolor, born deep within my psyche, like the mouthless beast that desired above all else to scream at the center of my soul.

In this darkness, a single whisper traversed the vacuum.

"Onigiri…can you hear me?"

I blinked, for my vision was blurry. Through clouded eyes I could see the outline of a person. The figure suggested a female, as did the voice. "Who are you? Where am I?" I asked.

"I am your zanpakto. This is the world of your soul. Please hear my name, because your life hangs in the balance. If you know my name, I can reveal my shikai form."

"Shikai form?" I asked. "Is that the cool gun?"

She sighed. "Yes, Onigiri, the cool gun. But we have to work together okay?"

"Okay." I agreed. "What is your name?"

The girl with red twintails replied, "I am Otomerekka."

"Otomerekka, huh?" I said. Then I continued, "You're as flat as a starched ironed shirt."

"Baka! Get back to the fight!" She yelled.

To be continued…


	5. 5 Rainbow Maids Attack

**Disclaimer: Bleach is written by Tite Kubo and published by Shueisha. I do not own Bleach or any of the characters, settings, plots, or any related merchandise, advertisements, etc. This is a not-for-profit fan-written fiction story. Please support the official Bleach manga and its related products.**

**All other elements not derivative of the official product are original ideas, meaning original characters. I do not waste time reading other people's fanfics.**

Chapter 5

I woke up back on the ground in Soul Society. Miko was straddling me and my face was buried in her chest.

"Mmph," I said.

"Oh you're alive, Onigiri-kun. Does it feel good?" Miki asked.

I pushed her off me because I was too motivated to fight and didn't feel horny. "Miko," I said, "I know the name of my zanpakto. Now I will win!"

Then suddenly three maid shinigami attacked me.

"Sweep, Umagimeido!" Screamed the red-haired maid.

"Exfoliate, Nattomeido!" Screamed the blue-haired maid.

"Service, Bentomeido!" Screamed the purple-haired maid.

I barely dodged when three broomsticks crashed down, sending rubble everywhere into the air.

"I am Aka Mahouko. Smell my fishy odor!" Yelled the redhead.

"I am Aoi Mahouko. Taste my strong flavor!" Yelled the bluehead.

"I am Yukari Mahouko. Accept my love!" Yelled the purplehead.

Then the three posed sexily. I asked, What are you? Skittles?"

"Su-ki-to-su?" They asked in unison.

I palmed my face inbetween my hand. Then I grinned because I could sense their combined spiritual power. They were no match for me. I shouldered my sealed zanpakto, which was a huge sword that was 5 times my height. "Now it's my turn. Pwn them, Otomerekka!"

Nothing happened.

"Hey Miko," I said, "Why isn't it working?"

Miko replied with an unamused face, "Say something normal you freak!"

"Oh yeah? I'd like to see you do better!" I exclaimed.

"Fine! Watch closely Onigiri-kun, because this is a rare opportunity! Chime divinely, Tenkoiro!" Miko yelled. With a gust of wind, her zanpakto suddenly became a bronze bladefan.

And then Miko fought the three maids. Her fan shot soundwaves and stuff and she eventually won. "Yatta!" She shouted, and then she did a cheesy victory dance and I walked away.

"Wait!" Ordered Miko. "We can make them lead us to the Sereitei so we can register your zanpakto!"

"Good idea." I said. "You three sluts, lead us to the Sereitei!"

The defeated maids acquiesced and lustfully led us to the eastern gate, but it was closed.

"Why is it closed?" I asked.

"Because you are an intruder!" Said Aka.

"Because you're stupid!" Yelled Aoi.

"Because I missed my favorite show!" Cried Yukari.

I felt bad so I invited then to dinner. Miko sealed her zanpakto and we went to a restaurant in the Rukongai.

"I want a cheese casserole baked in chocolate," I said. I knew about Orihime's recipes and I liked eating her food.

"I would like a turtle steak," said Aka.

"Give me some hot sauce on bread!" Screamed Aoi.

"I wanna burger!" Declared Yukari.

"Watashi wa shinigami desu." Said Miko.

The waiter looked at her incredulously. Then asked, "What would you like, miss?"

"Tofu." Said Miko.

The waiter bowed and came back with food and we ate it. It tasted good.

Then we went to an inn because it was dark after we finished dinner. The three maids got their own room and they had a pillow fight in there probably. Miko and I had to share a room and it had only one bed.

"Onigiri-kun, please be gentle." Said Miko as she climbed into the bed I was in. Then she took off her clothes but I put them back on because I wanted to go to sleep and was too focused on figuring out how to get into the Sereitei. Then I fell asleep.

The next morning I decided to figure out how to get into the Sereitei.

To be continued…


	6. 6 Register the Zanpakuto!

**Disclaimer: Bleach is written by Tite Kubo and published by Shueisha. I do not own Bleach or any of the characters, settings, plots, or any related merchandise, advertisements, etc. This is a not-for-profit fan-written fiction story. Please support the official Bleach manga and its related products.**

**All other elements not derivative of the official product are original ideas, meaning original characters. I do not waste time reading other people's fanfics.**

Chapter 6

The gate was big and I couldn't get in. So I walked around wondering how to get in. Then I got a ladder, and Miko and the three other shinigami helped me get up into the Sereitei. Inside were buildings with white walls, and I walked around because I was lost.

Miko stopped me. "Onigiri-kun," she said. "You're lost".

"Then take me to the register." I exclaimed.

But then we were stopped suddenly by the green-haired maid shinigami. "Stop intruder!" She yelled.

"Midori-chan, stop fighting! We're friends now!" Screamed Aka.

But she didn't stop because she was a tsundere. "Clean, Tatamimeido!" She said, and a bunch of colorful stars appeared as her zanpakto turned into a broomstick. I made a cool pose and grinned because this time I had shikai too.

I was about to release my zanpakto but suddenly three broomsticks intersected and stopped Midori's attack. "Huh?" I said.

"Urusei! It's not like we're doing this for you!" Said Aoi.

"Onigiri-san makes Yukair go doki doki. So nee-san can't hurt him!" Said Yukari.

"It makes no difference to me, but I can't let imouto-chan act like a spoiled brat." Said Aka.

Then they started fighting and it was intense. I never saw so many broomsticks swinging around and stars shooting out like bagels on a Sunday morning food stand.

Midori retreated angrily. "You sisters are mean! We're supposed to protect Soul Society! But instead you help this worthless trash!"

"But Midori-san, Onigiri-kun is here to register his zanpakto!" Said Miko.

Midori's eyes widened at that realization. "Baka! Don't think this changes anything! But you need to go to the Squad One barracks."

She pointed over to a place with tall buildings and I said, "Let's go." And Miko followed. The four sisters stayed and watched me go.

It was a long climb, but we eventually reached the Squad One barracks. I knocked on the door but no one was home. But then someone opened the door and told me to go to the zanpakto registration office. I walked there with Miko and stood on line for three hours. Then the shinigami clerk looked at me and called me to the booth.

"Name" He asked.

"Onigiri Kamishirou," I replied.

"Zanpakto name?"

"Otomerekka." I said.

He looked at me skeptically. "Can you release your shikai form?" he asked.

I nodded and was about to release my zanpakto when the door was suddenly opened with a thundering bang. A tired shinigami messenger ran in and panted, "We're under attack! The captains and lieutenants are all on missions in the Human World and the Dangai Precipice World so this means we are on our own!"

"Oh no!" Screamed the clerk as he ran away to hide in a corner.

"Stupid cowards," I said, as I slung Otomorekka in her sealed form over my shoulder. And then I went outside to face our attackers. Miko tried to stop me but I went anyway.

There was a lot of fighting outside and the shinigami were getting beaten up so I got ready to unseal my zanpakto. But before I could do it Miko came up and yelled "Hado number 31! Shakahou!"

Then a red fireball appeared and flew at the black-armored enemy but he blocked it with his foot and sonidoed to Miko and punched her into a wall.

"Miko! Noo!" I screamed. I turned to face the enemy and I got angry…

To be continued…


	7. 7 The Ultimate Enemy

**Disclaimer: Bleach is written by Tite Kubo and published by Shueisha. I do not own Bleach or any of the characters, settings, plots, or any related merchandise, advertisements, etc. This is a not-for-profit fan-written fiction story. Please support the official Bleach manga and its related products.**

**All other elements not derivative of the official product are original ideas, meaning original characters. I do not waste time reading other people's fanfics.**

Chapter 7

_Previously…_

_ Miko got beaten up. Then Onigiri got mad…_

Suddenly I jumped at the enemy, my big zanpakto raised over my head and ready to slash him. But he dodged all my attacks effortlessly.

"Damn," I said. "I have to use my shikai."

Then I made a cool pose and prepared to release my shikai but the black armored guy stopped me by kicking my shins. And then he unmasked himself to reveal that he was a hollow without a mask or an arrancar!

"That's impossible!" I gasped. "All the arrancar are dead!"

The arrancar laughed and said, "I am Daisatsu Vega, the secret ultimate arrancar. You can't beat me with that useless zanpakto!"

"You bastard…You killed my parents!" I screamed!

"Uh, no I didn't." He said.

"I don't care! I just need some stupid reason to fight you!" I admitted. Then I said, "Now I will use my shikai!"

Daisatsu waited for a few seconds, and finally asked, "So, you going to release your shikai yet?"

"Yes!" I said. "Just let me remember what I was supposed to say." Then I groped around inside Miko's clothes to find her e-tablet. I ran a search for Otomerekka's shikai release command and once I figured it out I stuck the e-tablet back into her clothes.

"Ok," I said. "I'm ready now! Blaze in passion, Otomerekka!"

Suddenly a big surge of power and light surrounded my huge sword and it transformed into a white magnum revolver.

"So that's your shikai?" Said Daisatsu. "That's certainly unique among shinigami, but you'll still need ammo." Then he laughed mockingly.

"Wrong," I said smugly. "My zanpakto used my compacted reiatsu to fire spirit bullets. And," I said with a grin, "They travel near lightspeed and are guided. Now you will pay for what you did to Miko!"

"What did he do to me?" Asked Miko.

"He killed your parents and made you eat lowfat nachos!" I yelled. "I will never forgive him!"

"Uh, no I didn't." Daisatsu said.

"What are you talking about?" Miko asked.

Then I noticed that Miko recovered and released her zanpakto to shikai form.

"A shinigami with a bladefan zanpakto? You two certainly make an intriguing pair, but you are both still too weak. It would take at least three captains to match me. I'm just toying with you to demonstrate just how much of a complete badass I am. But instead of finishing you off right now I will help the author buy some time by sending my weak underlings at you. That way you will have a couple chapters about you fighting my underlings and gradually getting stronger so you can face me." And then he laughed mockingly.

"Stop! I won't let you do that!" I screamed. I charged up Otomerekka and fired at him. He flicked a finger and cancelled the shot. "What the f…" I said.

"You are too weak. Get better before challenging me again." Said Daisatsu.

"Fine! I'll be back!" I said.

"Onigiri-kun, we can't seriously be letting him have his way with Soul Society! That could mean the end of the world! And if the world ends, you would be gone too!" Said Miko.

"Good point. Hey Daisatsu, what will you do in the meantime?" I asked.

He shrugged. "I'll help out with the gardening here."

I turned back to Miko. "See? Let's go and train then."

Then Daisatsu left. Miko looked at me and said, "Let's train so you can beat him then." She gave me a thumbs up and sealed her zanpakto.

"You're one to talk. You only got beaten up back there. And what was that 'shock a ho' thing you did?" I asked angrily.

"That's kido." She said.

"That's dumb." I said, as I prepared to grow stronger…

To be continued…


	8. 8 The Fish Arrancar

**Disclaimer: Bleach is written by Tite Kubo and published by Shueisha. I do not own Bleach or any of the characters, settings, plots, or any related merchandise, advertisements, etc. This is a not-for-profit fan-written fiction story. Please support the official Bleach manga and its related products.**

**All other elements not derivative of the official product are original ideas, meaning original characters. I do not waste time reading other people's fanfics.**

Chapter 8

As expected, the first weakling arrived. He was called Lago y Todo and he was an arrancar hollow. He had the power to breathe underwater, and that was it. Since we weren't fighting underwater, and since thee was no water nearby, that meant he was useless. Miko and I won.

"Now I'm angry!" Gasped Lago. "Flop lamely, Tunaburger!" Screamed the arrancar as he released his zanpakto to access his resurrection form. "This is my resurrection: La Peche Grande!" He yelled.

That made him grow fins and gills and scales. He couldn't breathe out of water so I just ran around him to gain some stamina experience. He tried to attack us by flopping but that only tired him out faster.

Suddenly, Miko stopped. "Onigiri-kun, fighting with you makes me heart beat faster. These feelings are going to burst through my chest. Please take me now!" She exclaimed.

I replied in a professional tone, "That's normal. You see, even though we are shinigami, we originate from humans. Humans are aerobic multicelluar organisms, meaning we rely on aerobic respiration for our energy needs. While lactic acid fermentation as an anaerobic process does exist in our skeletal muscles during a hypoxic state usually caused by physical exertion, that does not provide anywhere near enough energy to keep us alive. Furthermore, the accumulation of lactic acid is toxic to our cells and must be converted back to its lactate form in the Cori cycle of the liver. Now, I will explain why your heart beats faster. Since we are aerobes, that means our mitochondria require oxygen to perform oxidative phosphorylation and continue on to the electron transport system. Oxygen is transported by the circulatory system by being bound to hemoglobin which is found in erythrocytes. When more energy is required, it follows that more oxygen is required, and this means that more oxygenated blood must be transported. In order to achieve this, your lungs breathe deeper and more rapidly, your blood vessels dilate, and your heart beats faster. This allows more oxygen to be taken in by the body, and allows a greater volume of blood to be circulated through the body. There are also several documented psychosomatic effects that would lead to an increased heart rate due to external and internal stressors. First, the stress due to fighting causes a sympathetic response in your sympathetic autonomic nervous system. This leads to the release of ephinephrine through the endocrine system from the adrenal glands. The effect of epinephrine is generally increased heart rate, as well as other effects, but we're only concerned about heartrate right now. On the other hand, you could be attracted to me, and in turn the sexual arousal causes a response that also leads to increased pulse. But I'm sure you're not such an idiot as to feel horny during a fight, right?"

Miko was blushing furiously after I finished talking, and said, "I don't know what you just said, but it makes me feel so hot."

"Well that's normal too. You see, during respiration, not all of the reactants are converted to energy. A lot is lost in the form of heat. Since heat is leaving the system, in this case, the reaction complex within the mitochondria, then it is a simple matter of thermodynamics to explain that the temperature of the surroundings increases. That means your entire body. During exercise and other physical exertion, it is natural to increase your metabolism. This increase metabolic rate increases the amount of heat lost to the environment because more reactions are taking place at a higher rate. This in turn raises your body temperature. If you feel uncomfortable you could loosen your clothes and drink some water."

"Loosen my clothes…" Said Miko, as she began taking off her shinigami clothes.

"No stop!" I said. "We have to finish our fight!" But then I saw that Lago suffocated to death, so we won. "Nevermind, I need to take a shower. I sweated too much."

"Let's bathe together!" Suggested Miko.

"No," I said. Then I went to take a shower. I was enjoying the shower when suddenly I heard a scream. It was Miko! Quickly I put a towel around my waist and ran into the room where Miko was taking a shower. She was naked and fighting a female arrancar.

The arrancar said, "I am Rosa del Caliente! I will defeat you where Lago failed!" Then she took out her zanpakto.

"Idiot!" I said. "You're supposed to take off your clothes before going into the bath!"

And so she took off her clothes. I grabbed my sword to fight, but instead I just wanted to watch…

To be continued…


End file.
